The Kardashian Author

Is it real or is it fake? 

That used to be one of the biggest topics surrounding Kim Kardashian's butt. As the owner of that butt, only she can tell you it's real and we'd have to take her word for it. And if it's fake, well only her doctor would know and probably those famed family members, too. But the public? We'd do wise to stand by her declaration than to go toe-to-toe to a pointless war. If you believe that she got that butt by the hands of a skilled doctor, just keep your eyebrow raised and finish drinking the hot tea from which Kermit the Frog indulges when he declares, "but that's none of my business." Besides, how far does speculation take you in life anyway? And will you actually sleep better if you were somehow vindicated by the admission from her own lips? Shame of you. You should be getting six to eight hours of restful Zs anyway. 

What's a Kardashian Author anyway? Is that real? I've never heard of one before. I just know that this common phrase, "not a real author/writer" floats around Facebook and anywhere else and it bugs the shizz out of me. Who is this faceless person handing out certificates that says, "Hey! Get over here you real author. Come and get this certificate. Now you're wuh hunned (100)."? Really? I guess the rest of us are just playing reindeer games by ourselves. 

One Facebook friend of mine even made a statement challenging authors as not being real just because they've stamped their names on an uploaded book. Irate we all became! Well, a great amount anyway. He believed that those authors were giving real Indie authors a bad name. His reason was that they didn't take the time to polish their work and that readers wouldn't respect Indie authors the same, therefore polluting everyone's right to claim to be titled an author. 

Let's get something straight: my policy is, if you penned it, then you win it--the right to be called an author. Don't you think Master Chefs make mistakes on their dishes before presenting it to Ramsay? They get yelled at for poor presentation all the time, but they are no less of a cook. They just may ruin their chance at being labeled, Master Chef if they get kicked out of the competition, but you can't strip their personal chef title away from them. So, if you think authors are the only ones who have it bad in the title department, you're wrong. Chef versus cook? One may say that a chef has to be in a restaurant for this title to apply, but this point gets a little greasy here. Some chefs may not want to be in restaurants. Great cooks aren't always chefs. Rachael Ray is a perfect example. Lesson learned? Chefs and cooks can both make some awesome dishes. 

See, too many people get touchy about a title. The great thing about being in the creative field, is that we can badge ourselves with any title as long as we do the action. If you sing and book hole-in-the-wall gigs, you're a singer. If you paint and show it off at your local event, you're a painter. If you dance and join a dance team, you're a dancer. As long as you step out into the public for others to see your work, gain a witness to your potential here and there, then you're doing the action--so we believe you! You're not a liar. That's creativity for you. It's lovely that you don't need a boss or to be hired. Someone needs to see your work so we see truth. We hope to even see some passion, too.

I understand. We Iike to compare ourselves to others doing similar work, whether it's healthy or not. If you work harder than another author because you two have compared notes and you feel cheated that that person's work ethic isn't up to your par, don't worry about it. Let the readers decide if you're as good as you think. Sales will prove everything at the end of the day. Yes, sometimes sales are low because you actually do have a great book but poor exposure. If you're really passionate as you think you are, you'll figure out a better marketing plan. But if you've had great or decent exposure and readers leave you one to two stars more than they do three and above, then simply go back to the drawing board, my friend. Besides, their critiques don't take away your title. At least you get to go back home with your title just like the booted cook from Master Chef. 

See there. No matter what the reviews or fellow authors say, it was your little hands that wrote that story. End of discussion. Now we all know that there's no such thing as a Kardashian Author, because we're all real.